On October 31, 2023 my dad died. I was there for my family and my mom and when I got back I tried to get back to normal. But I’ve been struggling with depression ever since. Depression isn’t something new for me. I’ve struggled with it on and off for years. I’ve even taken meds for it and had to wean myself off because I was ready to move one without them.
I also watch cleaning videos on youtube to help motivate me to do something instead of sit there and let this get the best of me. In some of these videos, the women talk about how crippling their depression has been and when it hits, they can’t do anything but watch their home get cluttered. But they get through the overwhelm little by little.
Well, I feel their pain because that’s where I’ve been lately. For months I’ve been struggling and watching my house go to clutter. I’ve also had no motivation for my writing and reading the Bible comes and goes. This depression has been taking over my life on and off and I’m done with it!
It is crippling. I’m also facing anxiety and driving outside of town on those long winding roads makes me so anxious, I hit a wall and have to pull over. I end up driving home feeling defeated because I can’t even go to the next town to get away from this place with my frustrated husband.
I’ve even struggled to write this post. I haven’t written anything since dad died. I cry instead and write notes for future stories for a book I want to write about him but that’s it.
In a few weeks I have to drive to Kentucky to my brother’s house so he can drive us back to our mom’s for dad’s funeral. We are going to put dad’s ashes to rest. I don’t even think I can do that. It’s a six hour drive and I’m already feeling overwhelmed and defeated.
I’m writing this because I need support, encouragement and prayer. This is the most difficult mountain I have ever faced and I don’t know what to do. I feel helpless. I know there are those who read my blog and pray. I thank you guys for whatever encouragement and prayers you can send.
