I'm sitting at my desk, looking out the window, overlooking the front yard, hoping to see my Ariel bouncing up to the steps. But I know it will never happen. Around 6 am I let the dogs out back not knowing that Ariel was in the backyard. Then my husband and I heard the commotion. He ran out there in his bare feet to get the cat out of Rex's mouth, but it was too late. She was dead. The second kitten to be killed. The only one Matt and I have gotten close to. And it's tearing me up inside.
"I should have brought her into the front room last night." My mind races for something to hold the guilt close to me. "It's my fault. Why didn't I check before letting the dogs out." Why do I torture myself like this. I hurry up and wipe the tears from my eyes with my t-shirt hoping Matt doesn't see me cry. But he does anyway.
"She was my favorite too." He lets out with a sigh.
"You'll see her again," my God says to me.
But right now I just want to curl up into a ball and hide from the world. I just want to run away. Maybe the hurt won't be so bad if I'm somewhere else.
"Lord, I need you. I really do." My heart cries out. "Don't leave me."
I know He won't. He's been with me for years. Walked with me. Talked with me. It's comforting.
My husband told me that we shouldn't be angry with Rex because this is what dogs do. He was protecting the backyard. Besides, dogs chase cats and he didn't do it out of spite. I love Rex, love him dearly. But my husband is right. He's just an animal that loves to chase cats. Why was she even in the backyard to begin with?????
Anyway, I'll be alright today. I just need to get this off of my chest. Thanks for reading.
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